I always pause right before I begin to write. As if the first sentance is most definitely the most important, the one that sets the mood for the rest of the written work. I suppose in some ways it does set the mood, however, in reality, I must also take into consideration that I can in fact press the left facing arrow and correct, change, or entirely obliterate that sentance later on, if I wish to. So, usually this nugget of information convinces me to begin writing, even if the first sentance is by all means wanting.
However, thats not the case with life. In life, I cannot trace back my steps and alter my actions--my decisions. (Now, at this point I could easily step into a rather depression prosession of how life is a card you only play one, or a coin you can only spend once, but that's really not the point I am trying to make... in fact I am not even sure if I have a point yet.) The issue here is that when faces with a cross roads, generally a person goes one way, or the other. They, if they are one of the lucky ones who in fact has a sign post, will pause for a moment to read the signs, then continue on in the direction that they believe will best suit them. I don't do that. I have an irritating habit of stopping at the cross road, reading the signs at least half a dozen times, and then sitting down rather frustrated and not budging until I am moved along by the wind or the ants... or another force overwhich I have no power. The problem is that I am not a terribly stupid girl. If I was, then I could convince myself that life will not keep going until I make my decision. However, I am at least smart enough to know that life will keep going, even if I stop. So, sitting at the cross road, watching people pausing and passing, some running, some stepping rather carfully, and others taking their sweet time to notice all the lovely things that grow on the side of the heavily beaten path.
Hmmm... if only there were a way I could make my own trail, wouldn't that be an adventure? And perhaps that is a problem of mine, I am still very much a child, with a grand lust for adventure. To stand atop of mountains, looking across an untamed world, or to look into the eyes-- the soul-- of danger without fear.
I want to write. I understand that in no way is this a way I could support myself. That it will probably always be a dream and nothing more... and I understand that. So, here I sit even now. Far too afraid to actually take a step in one direction or another.
