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And now, my dear ladies and gentlemen, I am about to entertain you with a rather cliche, and usually reflective blog on my experience of this past year.


My memory of the last day of 2006 is not one of clearness. I remember my soon-to-be- brother-in-law arrived from the US that evening, and I remember standing on the frosty deck, waving a sparkler around, and -- for pity sake would they stop hitting those silly pots!-- my head was pounding...

Not exactly a very exciting way to begin the new year. Oddly enough, although the "calling in" wasn't outstanding, the year itself has been one of many thing... all in immense quantities. Many new experiences, many tears, many battles, many victories, many defeats, many friends come, many friends gone, many masks, and many moments in which I realized what it means to live. Unfortunately, also, many moments in which I realized what it means to live a dead life.

I used to live in a nice big blue house. Not anymore. I used to walk 20 minutes to school (almost) everyday. Not anymore. I used to spend my days in a classroom, trying painfully hard to be smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, and ______(fill in the blank) enough. Not anymore.

I'm excited --or maybe just over tired-- for this year to begin. Part of me is scared, actually most of me is scared... just as most of me is tired ;)Anyways...

Thanks, Lord, it's been a good year... now, let's do this allll over agian!

A Rather Overdue Apology

I can't believe the last time I blogged (before today) was back in November! I definitely have not kept up the "blogging at least once a week". Funny though, I titled this blog "Forget me not", and yet, in the past few months, I feel like I have forgotten. That past sentence was supposed to have something specific that I had forgotten, but as I paused to find the right words, I realized that there are a number of phrases that belonged in that place. I've forgotten what it feels like to walk to school, and the way the hallways smell. I've forgotten why I cared so much what letter I got on that all-important piece of paper, and why it mattered so much that I wasn't as pretty/smart/funny/talented as so many others. I have forgotten.

I was about to say I had forgotten myself, who I had been in highschool. But then it came back: I was a mimik, a shape shifter, a very insecure teenager trying to be anything and everything she saw that was good. I'm still like that, I'm sure. I still irritate myself by how quickly I pick up the habits of others, and how easily I fall into fads. But, I suppose, I'll grow out of that.

So, the point of this being, I'll try to blog more, so much as for you as for myself.

The Problem With Perfect

They all seem to end the same: music plays softly in the background as they embrace and *sigh* they kiss (finally) as the screen fades to black and the credits begin to roll.

I enjoy a chick flick as much as the next girl; any movie that can suck your brain out of your skull and stick it into a perfect, polished world where "happily ever after" is never far away, definatly deserves some appaulse. But, what about after the screen fades? (For those of you rolling your eyes and thinking that I'm about to be terribly sinical... don't click that 'X' button quite yet). Falling in love isn't that great! Theres no soft glow, theres no violin music, and evenually after the first kiss is over, and after you've said your 'I do's', theres still life. You still have to wake up next to them day after day. You have to share a bathroom with them, eat with them, sleep with them, and organize your life around them. I'm not about to say whether this is worth it or not-- I'm undecided on that point. However, since I suffer from the terminal illness of desiring to get married... then I very much hope that it is worth it. I very much hope that even after 5, 10, or 50 years, I will be able to look back and know that every tear I cried for that person, and that every dream I gave up for that person, was entirely worth it.


I started this wanting to get very angry at the media for not captivating people with a longing to love, not just fall in love. However, at this particular moment, I'm rather happy they don't. After doing such an excellent job at warping the idea of "falling in love", I'm sure they would do an even better job of warping "love" in terms of a real commited relationship. So, thanks Disney, and Universal Studios, and all the rest for not spoiling this too. ;)